Marriage Advice... to Myself

As I've mentioned, I often write notes and stick them places.  And sometimes, I forget where I've put them.  This morning, I was cleaning out my sock drawer (No, I'm not one of those moms, I just got new socks for Christmas, and could finally throw away the ones with no elastic left), and found an envelope addressed to me.  As I picked it up, and saw that it was my own handwriting, I remembered having placed it there some time ago, but couldn't remember why.  Naturally, I opened it and read it.

 

"Right now, life is good.  You've got a husband who loves you and your first child on the way.  But things won't always be this wonderful, and that's the reason for this letter.  There will be trials; there have been already.  But God says, 'Do not dwell on the past; Forget the former things.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the dessert and streams in the wasteland.'  (Is 43:18-19)  So when things come, don't bring up the past.  Just because someone lies once, don't write them off as a liar.  Forgive and forget. 

There will also be fights between you and your husband.  Passion doesn't always exist in only one form.  Just remember this:  No one wins by walking away.  You're bringing a life into this world.  Don't let an argument split your family.  Being right isn't that important.  You never want your biggest regret to be that you didn't do all you could to keep your husband. 

Love him.  Love God.  Allow all else to go by the wayside.  If it hurts God, or if it hurts him, it's isn't worth it.  Let nothing ever come between you.  When God comes between you, he's just trying to glue you back together.  Allow him to.

Pray daily for your husband.  It's impossible to stay mad at one you're praying for.

Believe him.  Take his word for it.  Respect him, in public and private.  Do whatever it takes to stay together, to keep him!"

 

 

I do not recall what brought this letter about.  Or why I thought it so important to hide it in my drawer, but it's amazing how well I knew exactly what I'd need to hear in the future.  I  am the one that always has to be right.  Now, my husband will argue a blue streak to be right, but he's also the first to apologize, always.  I may quit arguing, but I'm still steaming hours later, knowing "I'm right."  I also know that I'm not the quickest to trust people.  I don't always give the benefit of the doubt.  And I definitely know how long I can hold on to the "mad." 

 

This letter was written five and a half years ago, and boy, have we had some rough spots in those years.  But God has always been our glue, and often used some crazy circumstances to get that glue in there.  Right now, life is good.  In fact, after eight and a half years, we know exactly which buttons to push, and when to stop pushing them.  We've seen what we thought was the end, and decided together to turn around and walk back. 

 

Two years ago, we saw the roughest spot we've seen yet, that "end" we thought we were at, and we were given some advice.  I'll give it to you, and you can take it for what you will.  I don't dare give anyone marriage advice; I'll leave that to people like my parents, who've been married 37 years longer than us.  But it didn't come from me, and it's worth sharing. 

 

"Remember what you did to make your spouse fall in love with you so many years ago, and make sure you do that... every single day."  -Terry Forrest